The Nothing

I am being eaten by the Nothing. What is that? Well, according to anyone who grew up in the 80s it is the ultimate evil that will destroy Fantasia and the beautiful young princess who needs Sebastian’s help…er…sorry, getting a little off track here. But there is a point to this. The nothing in the Neverending Story was the ultimate evil- it was a lack of care and belief that a child had any effect on his or her world.

So I am being eaten by the Nothing.

Like my earlier post on cheating, words have power. The Nothing, for me is what I will say when I try to justify when I step off the path. “Nothing will happen if I skip having a smoothie this morning,” or “Nothing will happen if I don’t do yoga today, right?”

And you know what? I am right. Nothing will happen. Not a damned thing. My weight won’t change, I won’t feel better, I won’t have any movement in my lifestyle. Nothing will, indeed, happen.

But it is also a mental thing. I get wrapped up in this loop and it goes from  once a week with a brush with the nothing, to twice a week, to every day. And what makes matters worse, is nothing does happen. Because I have made enough adjustments to my daily eating habits (Still soda free, still sticking to veg 9 times out of 10, still chemical free), that I won’t gain any weight back. But by evidence of my now-three-week plateau, I will get stuck.

I am stuck.

It started out with Vegas. I wish I could say I stuck to my diet 100 percent while in the Sin City. I didn’t. I had red meat and a lot of seafood. I mean a lot. When I got back, I was dead certian I had gained weight. But I hadn’t. I was still at that 211 weight. Great! My worst fears didn’t come true…or had they? Nothing happened, right? Wee!

Then, last week I turned my foot. Not as bad as I have in the past (I didn’t land in the hospital), but enough where I don’t dare wear high heels for two weeks or so. But that meant my awesome C25K plan went right out the window. So much for starting to run, I can barely walk for ten minutes without my foot throbbing. So now I’m not exercising. at all. Nothing will happen, right?

Nothing has.

My environment hasn’t been helping any, either. I am working- a lot. I am loving what I am doing, but Origins Games Fair is fast approaching along with a ton of work to do with it, my job at J.E.P Contracting, Inc. is speeding up, and another project I am working on is starting to take shape. And that’s just work I get paid for! That doesn’t count my babies, my husband or my LARPing.

Oddly enough, I am still at this weird half-trying phase. For example, I had two parties on Sunday. So Saturday night I spend four hours making a Chemical Free Marinade for the chicken wings, a chemical free Thai peanut sauce for raw, veg Vietnamese spring rolls I also made, a chemical free organic chocolate cake and chemical free buttercream frosting for it. My BFF made an amazing veg white lasagna in honor of Sunday night’s party special guest, London Andrews, but I still feel like I ate like crap.

In the movie, the only way to save Fantasia was to have someone- one single person- believe. I need cheerleaders in my life more than ever. And not lip-service cheerleaders. I need people who will ride my ass if I start to invite the Nothing into my mindset.



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